Mike McLoughlin's Blog

A week ago Sunday night this is what happened to my car. It was parked on the street outside the auto repair shop waiting for a new starter. Somebody decided to have a little fun by dropping a rock into the windshield.

The previous Friday, I received an e mail courageously challenging my thinking on Why I stay at New Life Church. She asked, "Are there only two categories of church going people: consumer Christians and covenantal Christians? Are there not more categories? Is it so black and white? What about the group who have been patient long suffering members in which the pain of spiritual and relational disappointment disables their participation?

I stand corrected on my two category approach. Participation in church community can range along a continuum from covenantal commitment where members stick by their church no matter what to 'church hopping' where participation is conditional on church products offered.

I stick by my assertion, though, that Christian life is about bearing with one another in love because I believe God's unconditional commitment to us means we must follow suit. This is what Matthew 18:21-22 teaches. Forgiveness is not optional, however much commitment to one particular church community may be!

However, to forgive and to bear with one another does not deny the REAL pain of relational and spiritual disappointment. This is the lesson from the rock in my car windshield. The pain sits like a big rock crushing the spirit and life out of those who are wounded. If we are going to have a REAL conversation for the sake of REAL community at New Life, we need to talk about the pain. To ignore it is to deny it.

Exactly one year prior to the morning of August 13th, the day New Life announced the departure of Wesley and Stacey Campbell, I had a very vivid dream in which I needed to see a doctor at the local hospital. As I approached the front door, I noticed the receptionist sitting on the steps taking a lunch break. I asked her about an appointment. She said, "I don’t know, why don’t you go up to the office, get the appointment book and bring it down to me. I will see if there is a space this afternoon for you." I said, "Sure!" So I took the elevator up to the office. I went in, reached over the front counter and got her appointment book. I went out to catch the elevator, but it had already started down. Rather than wait for it to return, I decided to take the stairs, because I wanted to get the appointment sorted out quickly.

I went through a doorway I thought led to the stairwell, but it wasn't the stairwell. It was another section of the hospital that is reserved for maintenance of the hospital systems. I could see all this big equipment parked in empty hospital rooms. I tried finding the stairs but I got lost. I could not find my way out and there was no one around to show me the way out. I checked my watch and I realized that the secretary's lunch break was over and that she was probably back at the front desk looking for her appointment book. I was lost. I felt ashamed at my mistake. I did not know how to get out. There was no one to help me. I felt an overwhelming sense of panic. I was trapped in the place of pain.

As I reflected upon this dream, I realized the hospital represented both a place of pain and a place for healing. Jesus is the doctor. I am on my way to be healed by Jesus. However, I have to get by the gatekeeper who is the secretary. The secretary represents all those people in my life who I feel I need to please. I took what I thought was a shortcut so I could please them but it ended up getting me lost in the place of pain.

After sharing this dream with my wife and some friends, I realized that I needed some help. So I started a counseling program. However, as the past year progressed, things went from bad to worse and I ended up in full blown depression. Depression is what happens when one internalizes one’s anger. When my counselor asked me if I was angry, I told her I did not think so. But the problem was that I did not know how to get in touch with my feelings. In fact, I was operating in denial that I had any feelings, that I was feeling any pain at all.

Just before the big announcement at New Life last August, I enrolled in a eight day course in Biblical Counseling at the Youth With A Mission (YWAM) Okanagan base entitled "Pain of the Heart". It was taught by a Mennonite couple from Ontario, Clair & Clara Schnupp. They minister among first nations people in Northern Canada and Greenland. (Read more about their ministry here.)

As the Schnupp’s shared their stories of pain of the heart, I realized that I had been living in denial of my pain. Depression resulted from me denying an outlet for the anger at the pain I was feeling but could not find expression for. As the course progressed, I realized I could connect with my pain by attaching feeling words to it such as disappointment, sadness, abandonment, etc. As I attached these feeling words to my pain I had an outlet to express it. I could talk about it with those at the course in a safe loving environment. As I talked about my pain, I felt God's healing penetrate my being and I was released from the weight of my pain. the rock was being removed from the windshield of my car.

In God's mercy, I think it was no coincidence that I had a dream exactly one year prior to the happenings ... more »

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Thursday, October 19

Making a Real Commitment to a Real Conversation For The Sake of Real Community

by Mike McLoughlin on Thu 19 Oct 2006 01:10 PM PDT

Last week, I posted an article on Making the Hard Decision to Care Covenantally for My Church Family. The response has been overwhelmingly positive. Being mindful of the need to prove what I say by acting upon it, I ask: how am I embodying the change I wish to affect at New Life church?

Firstly, I need to make a tangible commitment. I met with my pastor and his wife and offered to volunteer where they needed help. They suggested perhaps I could help in evangelism. YIKES! I thought that is the last thing I want to do! Honestly, I am not an evangelist. I don’t have a passion for evangelism. I can’t remember when the last time was that I lead somebody to the Lord. If there is one opportunity at church that I would avoid like the plague it would be evangelism. Whenever our pastor preached on evangelism my wife and I would feel like crawling under our respective chairs to hide ourselves! In fact, after more than 18 years at the church, evangelism, is the only ministry (other than dance J) that I have not been involved in at New Life.

So I am wondering what's my problem with evangelism? I am not alone. Most local churches need help with evangelism. Why is that and what does one do about it?

Perhaps the reason I get squirmy about evangelism is that I just can't see myself recruiting people to the church as it is now. Nor can I see myself trying to convince people of a message I am not sure really does justice to who Jesus is and was, especially 'The Four Spiritual Laws' version. Finally, the traditional Evangelical and Pentecostal approaches for evangelism, I think, are a set up for failure in today's culture. Hurling truth propositions at people from a great distance; confronting them with their mortality and the possibility of eternal damnation; and then promising them power in Jesus name for healing the sick, but when the crunch comes being unable to deliver on that power because nothing changes when we pray. These approaches are all 'non starters' for your post modern pagan.

Is this really what Jesus had in mind when he said to his disciples "As the Father sent me, even so I send you."? I don't think so. (For more on that check out Rob Bell's NOOMA DVD series especially the one entitled The Bull Horn Guy.) In fact, perhaps a better evangelism strategy would be for the church to confess its sins to the world and seek forgiveness for not being more Christ-like in its approach to communicating the gospel. (See Donald Miller's book Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality for more on that idea.)

So secondly, I need to talk about doing local church differently. What is wrong with the local church? What is right? Why this crisis of confidence in church? What's up?

Let this conversation go beyond the order of service, the orientation of chairs or the worship style. Let's go deeper: What is the purpose of local church? What is the local church THERE for? Is it primarily for the benefit of members? Is it for spiritual feeding once a week? A worship extravaganza? Prayer for emotional or physician healing? Who does the church exist FOR anyway?

Archbishop William Temple once said, "the church is the only voluntary society that exists for the benefit of its NON members." (emphasis mine) Is that statement true? How does that play out for a local church? What does that look like at New Life? What are we doing for our NON members? How are members oriented towards non members? Does the word 'evangelism' describe that orientation or are there better words? How about words like 'friendship', 'generosity', 'service', or 'hospitality'.

So many questions, not many answers. Let's be careful not to presume we can figure it all out, that we can solve all the problems of the local church with one bright idea. Let's start with questions that encourage a deep dialogue with one another. Let's talk about the things that give us hope and the things that disappoint us. Let's be open, honest and frank about our expectations and what is realistic. Let's talk about the things that are really important to us, that really matter, our friendships, our families, our love for God, our heart for the poor, our concern for justice, our longing for God's presence. Let us cry out with the psalmist, "Oh send out thy light and thy truth; let them lead me, let them bring me to thy holy hill and to thy dwelling!" (Psalms 43:3)

Talking assumes a third thing that needs to be done: community. This is not the kind of community that occurs at the church potluck. This is cathartic community: community where we are deeply honest with one another, where we face our short comings together, where we bring it all up onto the table, where we take off the masks and we get REALLY real: vulnerable and transparent. It is community where we see people's hearts, their pain, their tears, and their joy. We groan with each other, we weep with each other, and we so value each other that we forgive each other.

This is the kind of community that is a love shaped community. Love is the 'heart shaped' keyhole that God wants to pull us all through as a church at New Life. It is a time in which we are all pressed together so that we come out on the other side, one with another.

It is the kind of authentic community we all long for but are too afraid to risk our reputations to bring about. Well, I for one am ready to jettison my reputation so that I can get real with my church family. How about you?

Perhaps then we will win the lost because ... more »

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Thursday, October 12

Why do I stay at New Life Church? Making the Hard Decision to Care Covenantally for My Church Family.

by Mike McLoughlin on Thu 12 Oct 2006 04:45 PM PDT

A friend who used to attend my church recently asked me "Why do you stay there? There’s a lot of sizzle at that church, but where is the beef?" Then he gave me a teaching CD from his new church as if to say -- here is some substance.

The decision to stay or to go is deeper than indulging one's preference for more beef and less sizzle. Sure, my church has weaknesses. Yes, the teaching could be better, but then so could every other church's teaching be better. Certainly, there is a need for change. Improvement opportunities abound at New Life Church Kelowna.

From the perspective of consumer Christianity, church is a dispenser of religious goods and services. Some churches provide better value for your tithing dollars. Others find it difficult to compete. Consumer Christians make church membership conditional on the product offered.

Covenantal Christianity sees the church as a community more than a spiritual consumers club. This is because in the gospel, God cares for us covenantally not conditionally, therefore, we must care for one another covenantally, not conditionally. (Matthew 18:21-22)

Once we have made the commitment to be a member of a church family, we are not at liberty to keep the door ajar or to take a wait and see attitude with respect to our church family. As long as New Life Church Kelowna subscribes to the basic creeds of the Christian faith, I am called as a member to care for them covenantally.

This is the hard made decision: to let go of the pain of disappointed expectations, to be patient with the failings of leadership, to endure the differences in ministry style, to put up with the irritating idiosyncrasies, to bear with one another in love, to forgive the offense that has upset me, and to move from a position of conditionality to a place of trust. Trust in God who will provide the grace to cover me when I risk loving othersunconditionally.

Besides this basic reason, here are more reasons why I stay:

Ø Staying Because of Perspective. The problems at my local church are reflective of wider problems that are occurring throughout the North American church. A huge cultural shift is occurring in our society that affects the local church. Reggie McNeal, author of The Present Future: Six Tough Questions for the Church, states "current church culture in North America is on life support." George Barna in his book Revolution calls for a complete transformation in where church happens. (See my reviews here) Brian McLaren, author of Church on the Other Side, states it is time to migrate to a new way to do Christianity. All these authors have one thing in common. They see that the local church in North America is in serious trouble. Unless it transitions, it will die. I stay because I believe New Life can make that transition and I want to help them do that.

Ø Staying Because There is Substance. At New Life, there is substance beneath the sizzle. Our church has a rich history with God. We have made a difference in our community, in the nation and around the world. There is a present vitality in our worship and community. I stay because I know God has used New Life to make a difference in the lives of many people both in Kelowna and abroad. He will do it again.

Ø Staying Because New Life is My Tribe. In 1988 I wrote these words in my journal concerning my arrival at New Life. "I had found my tribe!" Although one may reject one's family, one cannot lose the family resemblance. New Life Church has shaped who I am and I believe will continue to do so. I embrace that no matter how difficult it is to live in a dysfunctional family, Jesus said, "Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." New Lifer's are my friends. Friendship demands I stay.

Ø Staying Because I have Hope the Church can be Different. In 2000, our church launched a revolution in the way we minister. We went from a governance structure that concentrated knowledge and power in a small clique at the top of the church hierarchy, to a governance structure that distributed knowledge and power more evenly among ministry leaders. In the New Beginnings approach, everyone could hear from God, not just the 'anointed few'. Everyone had an apostolic role to play since to be a Christian is to be a "sent one". Everyone's contribution was valued as we moved forward together. Part of the reason why we are experiencing turbulence is that we are following the path we set out in 2000. I stay because I believe this is the right path and I have hope that we will reap a good harvest if we stick to it.

Ø Staying Says We Are Saved Together. Despite what our consumer culture tells us, Christians do not exist as autonomous decision-making individuals. We are who we are because of the relationships within which we exist. No person is an island unto themselves. If God is the one who "sets us in families" then who am I to decide that since my present church family may be somewhat dysfunctional then I should go and find a new family? I stay because I am called to be pulled through God's keyhole together with the rest of my New Life family. I am saved together with them not apart from them. This is how God forms us for his purposes. Consider this thought on salvation from Leslie Newbigin,

The Bible does not speak about "humanity" but about "all families of the earth" or "all the nations." It follows that this mutual relatedness, this dependence of one on another, is not merely part of the journey toward the goal of ... more »

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