Mike McLoughlin's Blog

How to Have an Emotionally Healthy Church

Mike McLoughlin — Sun, 19 Nov 2006 11:34:00 -0800

As per my last post I have had some conversations with people about the emotional pain resulting from recent personnel changes at New Life Church Kelowna. The responses ranged from "We have been talking about the pain too long and it is time to move on." to "The pain is very real, any attempt to deny it revictimizes those who have it." to "It really hurts but I am willing to forgive." That last response is the emotionally healthy response.

In his book, The Emotionally Healthy Church, Peter Scazzero makes the case that a spiritually mature church is an emotionally mature church. Emotionally mature churches are able to go through the pain and come out the other side of it, allowing the pain to refine, purify and shape the church community. Immature churches ignore there is pain or they get so fixated on the pain that they cannot move on.

Our challenge at New Life is how do we process our pain and the pain we have caused others in an emotionally mature manner? I think Scazzero's book can help us do that. He is a pastor from New York city who burned out in his ministry and learned some very hard lessons about what it means for a church community to bear with one another in love. He says,

"The sad reality is that too many people in our churches are fixated at a stage of spiritual immaturity that current models of discipleship have not addressed. Many are supposedly "spiritually mature" but remain infants, children, or teenagers emotionally. They demonstrate little ability to process anger, sadness, or hurt. They whine, complain, distance themselves, blame, and use sarcasm—like little children when they don't get their way. Highly defensive to criticism or differences of opinion, they expect to be taken care of and often treat people as objects to meet their needs. Why?

The answer is what this book is about. The roots of the problem lie in a faulty spirituality, stemming from a faulty biblical theology (chs. 3 and 4). Many Christians have received helpful training in certain essential areas of discipleship, such as prayer, Bible study, worship, discovery of their spiritual gifts, or learning how to explain the Gospel to someone else. Yet Jesus' followers also need training and skills in how to look beneath the surface of the iceberg in their lives (ch. 5), to break the power of how their past influences the present (ch. 6), to live in brokenness and vulnerability (ch. 7), to know their limits (ch. 8), to embrace their loss and grief (ch. 9), and to make incarnation their model for loving well (ch. 10). Making incarnation the top priority in order to love others well is both the climax and point of the entire book. The church is to he known, above all else, as a community that radically and powerfully loves others. Sadly, this is not generally our reputation. "(p. 18)

I think the pain we experience both individually and corporately is, as C S Lewis put it in his book, The Problem of Pain, God's megaphone trying to get our attention so we can address some serious personal and community issues. Moving on without addressing these issues, I fear will condemn us to repeat our folly, and re-experience the pain again in our new situation.

So I actually think we need to move toward the pain as a church rather than away from it. I think the pain is where God wants us to go. It is the cross he intends for us to bear as a church right now. Not that we stay at the place of pain, but that we move through the pain and out the other side, allowing the pain to shape us.

I think God wants us to become 'wounded' healers, who are familiar with sorrows so that we are better able to bear the sorrows of others. This is what it means to live incarnationally. (Henri Nouwen has written a classic book on this subject called The Wounded Healer).

If we can own this as our story in which our pain has redemptive value, it can bring lasting healing to that pain and empower us for the way forward as individuals and as a church community.

That is the message of Scazzero's book and it the way we can become an emotionally healthy church. My hope is for us to be a community that does not continue to re-offend and re-experience relational pain but that we learn to love one another deeply, so deeply that no amount of pain or disappointment or anger will ever again come between us. This is my hope for the way forward for New Life Church Kelowna.

It’s a Bird! No! It’s a Plane! No! It’s The Christian Carnival CXXXII!

Mike McLoughlin — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 21:43:00 -0700

This week the Christian Carnival is HOT! Lots of HOT Topics to match the summer HEAT with a little humor thrown in!

Thank you to Donald Bosch at the The Evangelical Ecologist for helping me as a rookie host for the Christian Carnival and for John Howell at Brain Cramps for God for forwarding all those great entries and for the much esteemed Dory at Wittenberg Gate for giving us the opportunity to host.

Tom Gilson at Thinking Christian discovers two “tin woodmen" in his short snippet of a story - Only Natural.

Polly at Life is a Buffet (as opposed to a box of chocolates J? ) does a review of her Book of the Month: - The Holy Bible!. “Synopsis: God creates the universe and a man and a woman and then the story blasts off from there with an ending that is out of this world.”

The Deputy Headmistress shares an inspiring story of the authenticity of the Bible in her post: The Common Room: Ancient Manuscripts.

Sprittibee has some practical insight about God's Smoke Alarms from her reading of Bruce Wilkerson’s The Secrets of the Vine.

Dave Lorenzo at Career Intensity promotes The Power of Prayer at Work. My question is, does prayer serve business success or does business success serve God’s purposes in the marketplace? Perhaps Carnival readers would care to comment on the role of prayer for prosperity’s sake or the power of prayer for God’s glory through our work?

Trivium Pursuit posts an article by Mike Evans on Spiritual Depression, Rest, and ASSISTANCE Buttons.

Prince of Thrift discusses debt, specifically, becoming and staying debt free in Understanding The Great Misunderstanding.

Diane at CrossRoads in commenting on the Emergent church “thinks the children of the Baby Boomers have learned their parents' teachings quite well” which perhaps is not such a good thing. Check out her concerns at Where Faith and Inquiry Meet: Emerging into Emergent.

Martin LaBar at Sun and Shield looks at What's really important. And that is showing Christ’s love!

Jeremy Pierce at Parableman discuses Mark Roberts’ argument against doubting the traditional authorship of Mark & Luke. His post is entitled Mark, Luke, and Pseudonymity.

Mandi at Praising Fool in a quest for a church asks “Am I being too harsh since I don't want to go back based on the fact that not a single person welcomed me into their church?”

Jim Nutt at A Nutt’s View asks the question, God has not given us a spirit of fear, so what are we all so scared of?

Andre Yee at Every Square Inch exhorts fellow believers to See God in the Monotony. He offers a quote from G K Chesterton, “But perhaps, God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, “Do it again” to the sun; and every evening, “Do it again” to the moon.”

Brandi at LongStarAcademy shares an incredible story of Words of Affirmation from the Lord.

Father David Jennings at Left of Calvary takes issue with the city of Las Vegas for stopping the service of mobile soup kitchens for homeless people in his post Does Vegas share in Sodom’s real sin?

Katy McKenna at Fallible.com discusses how blogging started for her “as a way to relieve my poor husband from a small measure of his listening duties” at The Beauty Of Budding Bloggers

Mary Yerkes of Releasing the Artist Within discusses her experience with the return of a prodigal son, specifically her 23 year old son returning home to live. Her jumping off point is Henri Nouwen’s Encounter with a Painting. Read it at http://maryyerkes.com/blog/?p=418

Rev Bill makes the point that we all need to Cross the road to see (and understand) what's on the other side! He quotes Henri Nouwen on neighborliness.

Nerd Mom from the Nerd Family explores the trend of Denominations and Colleges Breaking Ties. She thinks denominations are a good idea and wonders why people who disagree ought to still stick together. I can think of some pretty good reasons from Scripture, but perhaps Carnival reader could take up her challenge.

Lennie Jarratt at CrossBlogging discusses the important issue of Stem Cell research at Stem Cell Treatment Allows Girl To Walk.

Anthony at Fides et Veritas responds to Christians proclaiming the imminent return of Christ at Keep on keeping on.

A Penitent Blogger reflects on the attitude that should be maintained by ministers and indeed all the faithful at Ministry with an attitude.

Eric Williams in Ales Rarus asks the question "Must Christians always support Israel?" in his comments about the recent conflict in the Middle East at http://alesrarus.funkydung.com/archives/2414/

Leslie Carbone takes issue with Senator Ron Wyden’s Tax Reform initiative but agrees the tax code needs reform because it is unwise, unjust and immoral in Is the Tax Reform Man Coming?

Mark Olson at Pseudo-Polymath discusses arguments against eugenics from a purely utilitarian viewpoint http://www.pseudopolymath.com/?p=1642.

Barbara Sanders of Alabama at Tidbits And Treasures comments on the ministry of Bill & Gloria Gaithers, some of the best, if not the best, Christian artists of our time God's "Interruption" of the Gaithers

Rey from the Bible Archive looks at his lawn and thinks "Man, there's a lot of work to do in the Church." The Bible Archive - Why Lawn (and Church) Work Doesn't End

And last but not least Mike (that’s me) of the Faith at Work posts his solution to “The Clergy Conspiracy – Decode this Post to Uncover An Explosive Truth!” in his short article commemorating the passing of Kenneth Lay - So Dark the Con of Lay Man.

Thank you everyone for participating. Don’t forget to check ...

Does Workplace Spirituality enhance Mental Health at Work?

Mike McLoughlin — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 12:36:00 -0700

Herb Ely has just done a post on Organizational Psychology and Workplace Spirituality. It is an interesting pairing. I have always wondered how Industrial and organizational psychology relates to the practice of Spirituality at work. It is an important topic since it is a known fact that Mental illness in the workplace is endemic.

Here are some articles for your consideration:

The Center for Reintegration - Employment - ...

Resolving the Faith Work Tension in Christian Professional Practice

Mike McLoughlin — Tue, 16 May 2006 18:55:00 -0700

Christian Professionals have real problems resolving the faith work tension in their professional practice. They ask, Is faith welcome at work? Is work valuable to God? What do I do when faith conflicts with work? Where is the balance between faith and work? Can faith make a difference at work? How?

Answers to these questions were considered at The Christian Medical and Dental Society (CMDS) of Canada conference in Kelowna...

The BE Attitudes of Spiritual Formation at Work

Mike McLoughlin — Fri, 08 Jul 2005 14:44:00 -0700

Jesus outlined the process of spiritual formation in his Sermon the Mount (Matthew 5-7). He begins His message with the Beatitudes. I have added the phrase “at work” to emphasize the fact that these “be” “attitudes” are the attitudes we must have in our workplace for spiritual formation to occur. It should be noted that the Beatitudes are not a set of rules to be legalistically ...

Blogging as a Spiritual Discipline

Mike McLoughlin — Wed, 13 Apr 2005 22:07:00 -0700

Jollyblogger wrestles with the question of why blog? He starts from Michelle Catalano on how to become a popular blogger. You do it by drawing attention to yourself through “Controversy. Raging anger. Venom and spitfire.” Jollyblogger’s comment is “You'll get attention, but for all the wrong reasons.”

I heartily agree. Here is a “right” reason to blog. It can be a spiritual discipline!

In Richard Foster’s classic book, ...

Spiritual Formation at Work

Mike McLoughlin — Fri, 21 Jan 2005 09:33:00 -0800

pirituality at Work is a hot topic among commentators and media pundits in business circles these days. Some attribute this trend to the events of September 11^th, 2001, in which almost 3,000 people from top level CEO’s to part time seasonal workers, lost their lives in the attack on the World Trade Centre in New York.[1] The fact that the attack was on an ...

Reading the Bible

Mike McLoughlin — Sun, 02 Jan 2005 20:57:00 -0800

Today, many Christians are avidly into their New Year’s resolution to read the Bible more often. The question I wrestle with is, “How are we reading the Bible?” A teaching I discovered this past year that has given me INSIGHT into this question is:.

“the text has a primary claim on the reader, namely, to be construed in accord with its intended sense.”*

The above statement is by a fellow named ...